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FC Copenhagen v Chelsea – as it happened

"We have to man up," says John Terry. We have to man up. For goodness sake. Gotta love earnest macho banter!

He has a point, though. Chelsea's season is in grave danger of falling apart. They're out of the FA Cup, as good as out of the Premier League title race, currently not in position to qualify for next year's Champions League, and stand one disastrous performance away from yet another failed tilt at Europe's top prize. As Copenhagen gave Barcelona a good run for their money earlier in the season, the pressure will be on tonight, so as Terry says, it's time for Chelsea to man up. Sexxxxxx it up. Soap it up. Yes it is, yes it is.

FC Copenhagen: Wiland, Pospech, Jorgensen, Antonsson, Wendt, Bolanos, Kvist, Claudemir, Gronkjaer, Santin, Ndoye.
Subs: Christensen, Bengtsson, Kristensen, Zohore, Vingaard, Hooiveld, Delaney.

Sexxxxxxxchelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry, Cole, Ramires, Essien, Lampard, Malouda, Anelka, Torres.
Subs: Turnbull, Drogba, Mikel, Zhirkov, Ferreira, Kalou, McEachran.

Referee: Bjorn Kuipers (Oldenzaal)

Kick off: 7.45pm.

The precise nature of JT's pre-match call to arms: a sober discussion. "Has JT turned into Dr Cox from Scrubs with his 'man-up' pep talk?" wonders Niall Mullen. "I imagine him collaring Torres with a 'hey Carol, why don't you stop moping around and start acting like you got a pair?'" Meanwhile Ian Copestake suggests Terry "may have kissed both his biceps during his man-up speech, while the rest of his fellow 'lady' players cowered around a shrine they've erected to Ray 'Butch' Wilkins to help them deal with the melancholy of it all." Let's face it, he could be taking any manner of approaches, couldn't he. It's 7.30pm now, and I like to think he's currently in the changing room belting out this number:

If that doesn't rouse the troops, I don't know what will.

Incidentally, apropos nothing other than the fact Chelsea are in Denmark tonight, an aside: anyone who missed Rob Smyth and Lars Eriksen's wonderful account of Danish Dynamite, the famous Denmark side of the mid 1980s, is strongly advised to catch up now. You won't regret it.

The atmosphere in Parken Stadion: It's really cooking. If very cold. On a clear night, it's four degrees centigrade below zero. The teams are out, Copenhagen in their all-white kit with blue trim, Chelsea in black and orange. "I cannot fully articulate how much I want to watch Scrubs as performed by Chelsea FC," writes Benjamin List. "Is Torres JD or Elliot? The blond hair is Elliot, but he seems delicate, like JD." Black and orange, though!

And we're off! Chelsea get the evening under way. They're on the front foot early doors: Torres wheechs down the right and stands the ball up to the far post, where Malouda shanks a terrible volley miles wide left and into the crowd. "If Chelsea are looking to 'man it up', why not start with a real man's accoutrement: dipping tobacco?" wonders Paul Szabo, who may or may not have a fully functional jaw and throat. "They could even 'snuff' the Danes with some Copenhagen, an American brand of dipping tobacco. It often causes the user to produce excess saliva while dipping. This is typically spat onto the ground; however, long-time users can swallow the tobacco-saliva with no ill effects. Enjoy!"

3 min: Lampard takes a pop from long range, after tucking in from the right. It's no use. But Chelsea will be pleased with the opening exchanges. "Niall Mullen and Ian Copestake are both wrong," writes the very perceptive Alex Hanton of our two hapless regulars. "Terry is far too manly to do something so effete as talking to his teammates about their problems. He's communicating with them purely through glaring, headbutts and furiously passive-aggressive DIY."

7 min: The first yellow card of the evening, as Zanka cynically runs into Torres as the striker chases a long ball from Cole down the inside-left channel. From the free kick, 40 yards out, the ball ends up at Torres's feet, eight yards out to the right of goal. Sadly for Chelsea, the £50m striker showcases that special first touch previously displayed at Fulham the other week, allowing Wiland to smother at his feet.

10 min: A lot of possession football by Chelsea. Copenhagen chasing shadows. Cole is released into the area down the left by a smart pass from Essien, but he's flagged up correctly for offside. "Last time those teams met, shortly after the game they swapped goal scorers, with Laudrup moving to Copenhagen and Bjarne Goldbæk going to Chelsea," notes Hörður Már Gestsson. "Are we going to see an Anelka for N'Doye swap?" Torres has got to be worth £500,000 or so on current form, maybe Chelsea could throw him in as well to get this deal done?

11 min: Of course, Torres is only going to be a figure of fun for so long. Here he pings a majestic 30-yard pass, inside-left to inside-right, to release Anelka in the area. The striker takes the ball down and shoots for goal in one smooth movement, but the angle's not the greatest and the ball's deflected out for a corner. Nothing comes from it, but this is a very good start by Chelsea.

13 min: Pospech cuts inside from the right and suddenly finds himself in acres of space, on the edge of the Chelsea area. He has a thrash for the bottom-left corner, but his effort is easily blocked by a dangling Chelsea leg. A follow-up effort from the rebound by Kvist is easily dealt with, too. But that's the first showing up front from the home side, who have been under the cosh a bit so far.

17 min GOAL!!! Copenhagen 0-1 Chelsea. Well this was pretty easy. Gronkjaer, formerly of Chelsea, plays a reverse pass down his left wing, the Chelsea right, without looking. The ball's straight to the feet of Anelka, who turns and hares straight down the inside-right channel and into the box, before lashing the ball past a not particularly impressive Wiland and into the net. A bit farcical, that, really, with very light shades of Jesper Olsen against Spain all those years ago, though Chelsea deserve the lead, so well have they started.

19 min: N'Doye picks the ball up and races at great speed straight at the Chelsea back line, straight down the middle of the pitch. He knocks the ball past Terry, and chases after it, but doesn't reach it, diving over Terry's outstretched leg instead. He looks for a free kick, but doesn't get it, the referee waving play on. Terry had made no effort to get out of the way, this much is true, but N'Doye had plenty of time to take action without clattering into (or diving over) the man. The referee got that right. "I was once given some dipping tobacco," writes Alexander Netherton. "It twirled me out for a loop and no mistake." Was it Copenhagen brand, Alexander? Maybe, as the man on the ad says, you should have tried Happy Days, for you boys starting out.

22 min: Some space for Torres down the inside-left channel. He glides towards the six-yard box, before slightly miscontrolling again, allowing Wiland to save at his feet at close range for the second time in the match. Torres isn't fully sharp, but there's the sense he's not far away from clicking again. His first goal in Chelsea colours isn't far off, I'll be bound.

25 min: Lampard and Malouda combine well down the middle of the park, slipping Torres free down the inside-left channel again. Once again, a miscontrol; that goal's not coming yet. "Man up!" cries Ben Dunn. It had to happen. I'm just surprised it took 25 minutes.

27 min: The home side look very nervous. They're struggling to put anything together in Chelsea's half. Gronkjaer drops a shoulder and swans down the left, but his cross is easily dealt with by Cech, on account of no Copenhagen player being within ten yards of the ball.

31 min: Copenhagen just can't get started at all. Twice Cole nearly breaks into the box, then Malouda has a go, then finally Anelka takes charge and bursts through the back line down the left. But instead of shooting for goal, as he surely should, he crosses for Torres in the centre, allowing Wiland to claim the softly floating ball. "Never mind a 'real Jesper Olsen'," writes Lars Eriksen, he of Danish Dynamite fame, "this is another case of a 'real Jesper Gronkjaer': this brings back memories of his disastrous backpass against Italy in a Euro qualifier in '99 after about 40 seconds which let Inzaghi through to score."

34 min: Five Chelsea players are caught offside, a couple of metres inside the Copenhagen half. Copenhagen are playing a dangerous game with this high defensive line; Ramires wasn't far from breaking through legally and finding himself totally free on goal. Chelsea are playing very well indeed, stroking the ball around very nicely, but the home side aren't helping themselves.

36 min: Torres finally makes his mark on the stats sheet, but it's by picking up a booking for a mistimed rake at the ball, the Chelsea man clipping Bolanos's leg instead.

38 min: Santin breaks purposefully down the left, checks, and strokes a pass inside for N'Doye. His striking partner miscontrols, though the ball rolls straight out right to Bolanos, who gifts the ball straight to Cole. That was very poor from both N'Doye and Bolanos, who between them extracted all the energy from a spirited spurt by Santin. Chelsea were light at the back for a split second there; Copenhagen can't afford to waste these chances.

39 min: Anelka, cutting in from the left, hoicks a decent shot goalwards. The ball clears the bar, but not by much. Chelsea really should be leading this by two or three, they're in total control.

42 min: Chelsea are stroking it around the middle at the moment, just because they can. They have quietened the home crowd considerably.

HALF TIME: Copenhagen [team yet to turn up]-1 Chelsea. The visitors have manned up, no question. They were very impressive in this half. Very impressive indeed.

Half-time entertainment:


Hallelujah for Chelsea!

And we're off again, Copenhagen having swapped Santin for Vingaard in an attempt to shake things up, because they were bloody awful in the first half. They set the ball rolling, and the sub makes an immediate impact, the new man taking a real thrash at the ball 20 yards from goal. Vingaard's effort is heading for the bottom-left corner, and though Cech was always going to get behind it, the shot may give the hosts heart. They've managed more in 18 seconds than they did in the entire first 45 minutes.

47 min: N'Doye goes down in the middle of a melee while challenging for a long throw that's been Delaped into the Chelsea area from the left. He likes going to ground, does this lad. For the second time this evening, the referee's not having a bar of it. Play goes on.

50 min: Copenhagen stroke it around the middle for a while, knocking it hither and yon, but eventually the move peters out, Gronkjaer passing the ball straight out of play. He's not enjoying this reunion so far.

52 min: N'Doye slides a lovely ball down the inside-right channel for Bolanos. The ball doesn't reach the Copenhagen man, as it's toed off its path by Cole, though it breaks to Vingaard on the edge of the area. He should either hammer a shot goalwards, or take it on a touch, but instead decides to attempt to dink the ball over Cech. He doesn't manage it, a lame effort going straight down the keeper's throat.

54 min: GOAL!!! Copenhagen 0-2 Chelsea. So simple. Lampard has the ball 35 yards out in the centre. He's facing left and has Torres to aim for down that wing, but instead plays a reverse pass down the inside-right channel for Anelka, who breaks into the box and dispatches a finish as crisp as the Copenhagen air into the bottom left. Chelsea are good for this lead, and should really add to it the way things have been going.

57 min: Copenhagen look, to their last player, thunderingly depressed. It's a wonder the ball doesn't sigh every time they prod it around the pitch.

59 min: Torres picks the ball up down the right and cuts inside. For a moment he's free in the box, one on one with the keeper, but hesitates and allows Antonsson to come back at him. Torres drops a shoulder and makes himself some more space, eventually getting a shot away, but the keeper's got time to position himself well and gets behind it. It's become a glaring confidence issue, this, but he's getting so many openings surely a goal isn't long in coming, and then we can forget all about it.

63 min: The atmosphere is dead here. Everyone knows Copenhagen don't have the tools to beat Chelsea over two legs. Didier Drogba is jogging up and down the touchline in trainers. Get your boots on, man, you're at work! In ten minutes, expect him to be pictured on the bench in a shapeless baggy sweater, picking at a huge bag of popcorn, and drinking rosé.

67 min: Lampard gives the ball away in the centre. N'Doye streams forward, then slides Gronkjaer free down the left. The former Chelsea man zips into the box and cuts inside past Terry, diving over his leg. For a second, it looks like the referee is going to award an erroneous penalty, but instead he gives a free kick for offside. Which he patently wasn't. All very odd. We move on. "I thought I was over my Torres break-up," sniffs Ian Copestake, "but I am clearly still not keen on seeing him happy with someone else and hoped he would never actually score for Chelsea in my lifetime let alone this match. But perhaps its best to just let go, so come on Torres." You're going to feel physically sick when this happens, aren't you?

70 min: Pospech is booked for clattering into Torres down the inside-left channel, just outside his own box. He'll miss the second leg, which may be sweet relief the way this is panning out. Lampard welts the set piece miles over the bar for three rugby points.

73 min: No popcorn or crisp, delicious rosé yet for Drogba, who comes on, wearing boots as well, to replace two-goal hero Anelka.

75 min: A beautiful flowing move by Chelsea sets Torres free into the area down the left. He holds off a challenge from Pospech and dinks the ball over the advancing Wiland towards the goal, but doesn't get enough weight on the shot. As the ball bounces towards the empty net, Wendt jogs across and clears. This search for his first Chelsea goal is now becoming farcical.

76 min: Wendt is replaced by Bengtsson. N'Doye lashes a hopeless shot miles wide right of the Chelsea goal. It's a wonder the ball doesn't emit a primal scream every time Copenhagen prod it around the pitch.

78 min: Bengtsson finds a bit of space down the left and gets a decent cross into the area, but Cech plucks it from the sky with only N'Doye in attendance. A few seconds later, Vingaard has a whack at the target, but it's more catching practise for Cech.

80 min: Now Claudemir arrives from the left and whips a shot straight at Cech. Another easy field for the keeper, but at least Copenhagen are putting a few moves together.

83 min: Torres has Malouda in acres down the left, waiting patiently for a pass to release him on goal. Instead, the striker embarks on a gymnastic programme of shimmies and dragbacks, in an attempt to worm his way past three players in the middle. The ball's whipped from his toe after one shimmy and half a dragback. On the left, so much steam parps from Malouda's ears, the temperature rises above freezing.

85 min: If Malouda was in a little mood back then, he'll now be in a proper full-on Bootsy Collins funk. He's substituted for Zhirkov. Then, taking an age to walk off, is booked for fannying around. His wild gesticulations of protest at least disperse some of his ear steam.

86 min: Terry is booked for upending Vingaard down the right.

87 min: Zohore comes on for Gronkjaer.

89 min: Torres rips down the left. He's got Drogba in the middle, but can't find him, sending in a hilariously poor low cross that's cut out by the first man, who is whistling and looking at his fingernails. Twenty seconds or so later, Drogba picks the ball up on the left himself, and preposterously decides to take a whack at goal from the best part of 30 yards, near the touchline. I'll do him a favour and not describe it.

90 min: I have no idea how many extra minutes there will be. We're sailing off into uncharted waters here.

90 min +2: Once again Torres fails to complete the full match, though at least he's done 90 minutes this time. Kalou comes on for the final throes.

FULL TIME: FC Copenhagen 0-2 Chelsea. And that's that. Altogether now...


A well-deserved result for a very impressive Chelsea, who coasted through that. And yet John Terry still finds a reason to argue with the referee at the final whistle. That's manly men for you!


guardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media Limited 2011 | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds

Uefa Cup: Manchester City v FC Copenhagen – live!

Look! A proper team! In the Uefa Cup! Hats off to Manchester City manager Mark Hughes for this: Given, Richards, Dunne (c), Onuoha, Bridge, Zabaleta, Kompany, Ireland, Wright-Phillips, Robinho, Bellamy.
Subs: Hart, Berti, Garrido, Elano, Vassell, Caicedo, Evans.

FC Copenhagen of the Danish Superligaen, who held City to a 2-2 draw in the first leg of this round-of-32 tie: Christiansen, Pospech, Norregaard, Almeida, Kvist, Hutchinson, N'Doye, Antonsson, Kristensen, Wendt, Jorgensen.
Subs: Coe, Jensen, Laursen, Nordstrand, Gronkjaer, Vingaard, Sionko.

Referee: S Dereli.

Kick off: 7.45pm

Superfluous weather update: It is raining in Manchester.

I take the comment about City's badge having vague Nazi overtones back, in the interests of Jordan Devine's sanity. "Don't say that!" s/he splutters. "I got the newer badge tattooed on me about five years ago. You might cause widespread dissent about the current design then before you know it, I'd be one of those tits walking around with an obsolete tattoo etched on my skin." Though hold on, wouldn't that give you more long-term supporter kudos?

Copenhagen, in their 1970s e-number-addled peach-melba yoghurt coloured shirts, kick off! Wright Phillips attempts to scoot past Wendt down the right, but the ball aquaplanes out of play.

3 min: Copenhagen are knocking it around the middle of the park nicely, Kristensen heavily involved, but they've not created anything yet. "City had to update their badge to include the stars for the three world cups they have won," explains Mark Taylor, who is either a gloating Manchester United fan or a City supporter going through a regular bout of self-hating. He's a City supporter going through one of his regular bouts of self-hating, isn't he.

5 min: Pospech whips the ball across the face of City's goalmouth from the right, but not before it had just gone out of play. Ndoye was lurking in the centre there, too. City will want to watch out for that, because they were a bit saggy and shapeless in the centre. (No jokes about Richard Dunne, please.)

8 min: Bellamy goes into minor meltdown after being flagged offside, latching onto an Ireland pass slid down the inside-left channel. The decision was just about right. Just. Meanwhile Jordan Devine is not having a bar of the argument which suggests an out-of-date badge tattoo gives one long-term supporter kudos: "Do you give long-term supporter kudos to the soap-dodgers who wander around town in a ten-year old replica kit? Nuff said."

10 min: A terrible ball from Bellamy, who busts Copenhagen's offside trap down the right and scoots clear into the box. Robinho is free in the centre, but the cross hits Jorgensen and gets nowhere near the City man. The away side look super-shaky at the back.

12 min: Kompany attempts to free Robinho down the left by switching play and spraying a long ball out wide. It's a great idea - but Antonsson is wise to his game, drops back towards his own goal, and intercepts, heading the ball back to Christiansen. It's been a lively start to this game.

16 min: Bridge storms forward down the left but his cross is overcooked, leaving Ireland and Bellamy stranded in the centre. Then seconds later, Zabaleta flicks an effort towards goal from a tight angle on the left, but Christiansen has it covered.

19 min: Hutchinson sends a looping cross into the City box from the right, and it's only just too high for Ndoye in the centre. City sweep right down the other end, Bellamy zipping down the right and standing one up to the far post, where Robinho heads onto the crossbar from two yards out. What a miss. "The best badges are the simplest ones," writes Anthony Marc Hopkins, who is talking my language. "I like Fulham's actually and Spurs' new one is a lot better than the old one. Still and all, they're overdone but then again, they are a lot less problematic than the sponsorship name on the shirts." Another good point. Ridiculously elaborate badge-branding, shirt sponsors, pitchside advertising... anyone fancy razing everything to the ground and starting again from scratch?

21 min: ITV ARE A LOAD OF USELESS CLOWNS WHO SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO TRANSMIT FOOTBALL EVER AGAIN. The director does a lengthy megamix of the Uefa Cup logo, a swoosh, the Bellamy-Robinho chance of a couple of minutes ago, the Uefa Cup logo, a couple more swooshes, the Uefa Cup logo, the Yorkshire TV ident from 1968, another swoosh, and a close-up of Christiansen. While that's going on, out of sight, Robinho twists and turns down the inside-left channel, into the box, turns Pospech (who slips and accidentally handles), and hammers a shot towards the bottom-left corner. The keeper parries the effort away brilliantly. Some of the Robinho run is shown live, but not all. How many more times does this have to happen? Given that once was one time too many?

24 min: Ndoye cuts inside from the left and into the City box. Dunne brushes the back of his heels, and the Copenhagen striker takes the opportunity to go down. It would have been a soft penalty, but City could have ultimately had no complaints. As it is, though, the referee gives nothing, much to Ndoye's dismay. It's the second time in a minute the ref has done City a favour, because Kompany was super-late on Hutchinson just before that incident, flipping him into the air like a greasy egg, and should have seen yellow. Lucky City.

30 min: Copenhagen have kept City very quiet for the last few minutes. They'll be very happy with this.

33 min: City are enjoying an awful lot of the ball, but they're not going anywhere with it. Eastlands still seems a pretty happy place, a fair bit of singing going on, but this wouldn't be City if just a little bit of tension was creeping in. "Can we establish if Jordan Devine was giving a toddler a clout outside Greggs in the Arndale Centre at about 1.20pm today?" asks Howard Waddington. "The woman in question certainly had the look of someone sporting a City tattoo somewhere on their person." A City supporter, in other words? You can look like a City supporter these days?

36 min: Robinho has a shot from the edge of the area, but Christiansen has the weak effort covered. Soon after, Kristensen is booked for hauling back Wright Phillips (who has been very quiet) as he races down the right wing.

40 min: Copenhagen win three corners in a row. City's defence doesn't look particularly happy under the high ball, but they eventually clear their lines after two slapstick attempts. Mildly amusing acronym, anyone? "Unwanted European Football Accolade Cup," quips Gary Naylor, whose view may or may not be jaundiced by Everton's habit of being knocked out of Europe before the f irst two hours of the season are up.

43 min: City have been very quiet for the last 10-15 minutes. Bellamy tries to inject some life into his team by tearing down the left, getting a yard on Wendt, and looking for Robinho in the centre. His cross is too close to Christiansen, though, and is easily gathered by the keeper.

HALF TIME: Manchester City 0-0 Copenhagen. Jorgensen hoofs a long free kick into the City box from the left, but Given claims, as you always knew he would. Back up the field, Zabaleta hoofs Antonsson in the shin, causing the big defender to hobble around for a bit. And then Bellamy hits the post, racing into the box from the left, breaking free and dinking the ball over the advancing Christiansen. The ball bounces towards the empty net - but comes off the base of the right-hand post and back across the face of goal, into the arms of the grateful keeper. The ref blows up, and Bellamy stomps off in an almighty funk.

And we're off again! Copenhagen make a change, replacing Kristensen with Sionko. Meanwhile Peter1645, who may or may not be related to 15Peter20 from Nathan Barley, has a problem with my pre-match superfluous weather update. Hi ho hi, Peter1645, what's up? "Do you live in Manchester?" he asks. "No?" No. "Today is the first day that it's rained in a week!" Oh. Well, fair enough, sorry for causing you any offence. Though as a Mancunian, can you really afford to get upset every time someone makes a lame reference about rain? Won't that get a little tiring after a while?

47 min: Almost an immediate impact by Sionko, who turns Dunne on the edge of the area and sends a delightful curling shot towards the top-right corner. Given is beaten all ends up, but the ball sails just over the bar. A really decent effort, that, and one which will concentrate City minds. "I was a man the last time I checked," writes Jordan Devine, who therefore hasn't been hoofing kids around outside the bakers. "Not that I'm against giving toddlers a clout now and again. Especially if they're parents are from the red half of the city." Oh my.

50 min: City are awarded a free kick, 25 yards out, almost right in the centre of the pitch. Bellamy takes, sending a curling effort towards the top-left corner. It's going in - but Christiansen has time to get across and parry into the air and away. A really lively start to this half by both teams.

52 min: Dunne and Ailton clash heads. Time for treatment. "The most amusing thing about the City badge has to be the row of three stars," writes Paul Glennon. "In Italy stars signify ten championship wins. In international play, a star signifies a World Cup victory. What do they signify to City? According to the mcfc website:

5. What do the three stars represent on the crest?
A. The stars have no significance and are purely decorative.

Purely decorative...naturally."

54 min: How did City not score there? Robinho sends Wright Phillips free down the right and into the box. Instead of shooting, Wright Phillips sends a low cross over towards Ireland, coming in from the left. The ball beats the keeper - but is just too far ahead of Ireland, who slides in a split second too late.

55 min: Not for the first time, a City player gets away with a poor challenge. Dunne, perhaps going after Ailton after that clash of heads, slides in, two feet up, on the Brazilian. Ooyah. Oof. That was at least a yellow - and possibly a red, given what looked like a fair bit of intent. Hmm.

58 min: Former Chelsea man Jesper Gronkjaer comes on for Ndoye. Spencer Jones explains the reason behind the change of the City badge. And, of course, it's the same old story: money. "When the club was bought from Peter Swales, he individually held the rights for the badge. So they changed it such that he didn't generate cash from it once the club changed hands. Not particularly sure why they didn't go back to the City of Manchester crest (as used in the cup final shirt long ago) - probably the same, sporting 'commercial reasons'."

62 min: Wright Phillips, on the halfway line, looks like racing clear on goal, but Wendt hacks him down with a crude challenge. There are covering defenders in the centre, and it's a long way out, so that's only a yellow. "The time is right for bringing back the old badge, especially after this season of discontent, as Umbro has been signed up to produce next year's kits," notes Josh Barnes. "And the dead animal on Ireland's pate is vanity at its worst." How can you say that, given we've just been remembering comb-over king Peter Swales?

65 min: Robinho takes another pop from just outside the area. Jorgensen throws his body in the way of the effort and it clanks away to safety. City are playing pretty well on the whole... but this is City, and there are a few furrowed brows. "This is a repeat of the match agaisnt Midjytlland where City trailed 1-0 and grabbed a very late goal to save themselves," writes George Templeton. "You know a hilariouys cockup is coming, it is Manchester City after all."

68 min: Robinho, flagged offside, throws his arms around ostentatiously in the direction of the linesman. How long has Bellamy been at City again? How long did this take?

71 min: As things stand, City are going through on away goals. You didn't need me to remind you of that, but there's not much else to say at the moment.

73 min: GOAL!!! Manchester City 1-0 Copenhagen. Bellamy has been City's busiest player, so he deserves this: Ireland sends a long, curling pass down the inside-left channel. Bellamy scampers after it. He shouldn't get to the ball first, but he puts pressure on Jorgensen by sitting right on his shoulder, and the defender slips. The City striker tears into the box and slips a confident shot past the advancing keeper and into the bottom-left corner. A wonderful finish. This, I would argue, is over.

74 min: It's so nearly a quick second as Bellamy cuts the ball back from the left to Bridge on the edge of the area. Bridge's shot is always rising over the bar - but not by much. You can sense the relief in the side.

76 min: Vingaard, who scored the last-minute equaliser in the first leg, replaces Norregaard.

78 min: What a miss by Robinho. Ireland lays the ball off to him on the edge of the six-yard box. He dances past two challenges with wonderful footwork, then tries to pass the ball into the bottom-left corner - but can only hit the outside of the post. That had to be 2-0. Anyway, we were talking about advertising hoardings, sort of, about an hour ago. "I was watching Stoke last weekend and the key moment sideboard ad was for Bargain Booze," notes Anthony Marc Hopkins. "Very classy touch. BTW, this is my office email which is why my full name comes up. Wouldn't want you think that I am a pretentious jerk. I go by Tony." Sure thing, Tone.

80 min: GOAL!!! Manchester City 2-0 Copenhagen. Robinho makes up for that preposterous miss by sashaying down the left, then cutting a perfect ball back from the byline to Bellamy, who's standing on the penalty spot. Bellamy finishes the move wonderfully, arrowing an effort into the top right. The two celebrate, which is nice to see given they've been squabbling behind the scenes like toddlers.

82 min: EVEN BETTER NEWS FOR CITY!!! THEIR BADGE ISN'T FASCISTIC "It more recalls the Hapsburg Empire," argues Drew JTS. "Dunno if that's more apt or not." Meanwhile Elano comes on for Zabaleta.

85 min: This is all about Bellamy, who from a Copenhagen corner clears Hutchinson's header off the line. Man of the match, not that you needed me to tell you that.

88 min: Bellamy is strutting around like a peacock. No jokes, please. "You ever noticed how Steven Ireland's ears are at mouth level rather than eye level like everyone else?" asks Alexander Netherton. No. Also, what's the deal with airplane peanuts?

89 min: Sionko takes a shot from a tight angle on the right. Given can only parry the powerful effort across the face of his goal. Ailton should convert, sliding in from the left, but can only clank the ball wide left. Very poor.

90 min +3: GOAL!!! Manchester City 2-1 Copenhagen. It's another last-minute goal from Vingaard, who from the right-hand edge of the City box sends a low, hard shot into the bottom corner! It's far too late to make any difference, though, as only seconds remain.

FULL TIME: Manchester City 2-1 Copenhagen. And indeed that is that. City make the last 16. They made hard work of tonight's win, but were never in danger of being knocked out. Meanwhile, it appears you can look like a City supporter these days (33 mins). "I was at Old Trafford," begins Mac Millings, "among United supporters a few years ago (don't ask me why - I still haven't managed to scrub off the stench of the Theatre of Self-Congratulation) to see the Manchester derby, and the only two City fans stood out a mile. Other than not bowing every time Cantona got the ball, they were also the only ones with lank mullets and pencil-thin moustaches. Also, when did Franny Lee knock Stephen Ireland up, then? Why am I always the last to hear about this stuff?" And that, our legal advisors will be pleased to hear, is that. Nighty night.

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